WHY CANT I FUCKING DO A SINGLE FUCKING QUESTION?!
ISNT CHEM EQUI SUPPOSED TO BE THE EASIEST TOPIC ON THE WHOLE CHEM MENU.
AND MY CHEM IS MY STRONGEST SUBJECT, BY FAR.
why why why im like crying shytballzoftears because of studies and i really hate myself for having no motivation.
i just wished i had friend who i can call to disturb amidst my studying sessions when im feeling stresses, without feeling guilty for disrupting their study time. why why why am i so dependent? there are like tons of people i wish to call but i know they are studying so i cant call to disturb them. im afraid too. and i dont know what to say after saying hello. because if i talk and finish saying what i have to say, i have to say goodbye and then the conversation ends there. i want to call somebody and hear them give me words of encouragement without being harsh, because that's what i need sometimes. bloodyfuck i just want a boyfriend. but i dont want to be in a relationship. no, i want a guy best friend. because guys usually dont need their friends to help them solve problems, i can just listen to their problems and not worry about the solutions. and i dont have to care if they are having PMS because they wont.but i love my girlfriends a lot and i know i cannot leave without them but i just feel very guilty whenever i want to call them BECAUSE of MY problem. i dont like to burden people with my problems. but i know i need help. sometimes, i feel like approaching a counsellor, but i know they'll probably contact my parents or something. and i dont want my parents to know my problems. because they'll feel burdened and they'll be disappointed in me. i just cant compare to my siblings. i have a very low EQ): and sometimes a rather low IQ too. i dont know why they think im smart, when im not. HELLO MUMMY I TRY TO ACT SMART ONLY. why cant you see past my facade and show some encouragement. i think im quite dumb. i AM dumb. i just google alot of shit and regurgitate them out whenever i can to seem smart. why am i depreciating myself now. i need motivation. but somehow, i like to make myself feel pathetic, it makes me feel better... about myself. i dont know why. maybe because when i talk lowly of myself, i feel like there is no expectations from me any more. maybe i just have too high expectations of everything.
and, please call me only if you have problems... about yourself. dont ask me about mine.
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